Friday, March 16, 2012

What I believe...

Thinking about Oaklynn recently and what her future holds. I know that my religion and what I believe in is what gets me through each day.
I know that Oaklynn most likely will never:
-Call me mommy
-Tell me when she is hungry
-Be able to use the bathroom by herself
-Run into my arms
-Feed herself
-Start a family of her own
- Control her body
- Tell me why she is in pain
-Tell me what she wants to do
-Dress herself
-Hold her own cup
There are MANY other things she will never be able to do but knowing what I know helps me get through each day.
I know that I will see her again in heaven in the next life. I know that she will have a perfect body and will be able to run into my arms and I will finally be able to hear her say, "I love you mom". I will be able to sit down with her and have a conversation and she will be able to tell me what it was like having Rett syndrome and everything she went through. 
 I couldn't imagine not having the gospel and going through this ( I am grateful for my testimony and for the relationship I have with my Father in Heaven. I know he sent her here to help not only Austin and I, but to help all the lives that she comes in contact with. She is my "Silent Angel" and I love her more than words can express.

I now have a hard time listening to people complain about the little things in life. There are much greater things to complain about and yet my daughter can't complain about any of them. She has taught me what this life really is about and to be grateful for everything and to look at the positive things in life. Even if you feel like the world is crushing down on you, find something positive to take from it. 
 I try not to focus on where she will be in the future and what my life will be like taking care of her forever. Instead I focus on the beautiful fun happy little girl I have now. I cherish each day I have with her and every little accomplishment she has. We have been seeing changes and regression and so I like to focus on the positive because I never know when things will all of the sudden change and I never want to regret not being there for her in the moment because I was too focused on the future. Being with her and seeing her happy face is what brightens each day. 
 Some of my favorite quotes are:

"Everything you are learning now is preparing you for something else." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

"Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in your heart." -Gordon B. Hinckley

"God doesn't give us what we can handle. God helps us handle what we are given."

"Some people never get the chance to meet their hero... I gave birth to mine!"


Matt and Hilary said...

I'm reading all of your posts and find myself tearing up at almost all of them! Thank you for doing this blog. LOVE!

Jenny Lynn said...

I made the mistake of reading this while at my brother in laws house, I'm totally in tears, the last quote got me. Thanks for sharing!

Clarissa B. said...

So beautiful! Your amazing and my heart aches for you. Thanks for sharing your journey, each post brings me to tears!